In a world filled with noise and conflicting voices, it can be challenging to navigate the delicate balance between speaking the truth and expressing love. As followers of a compassionate and truthful God, we are called to embody the essence of both these virtues in our interactions with others.
The Scriptures teach us that “speaking the truth in love” is not just a suggestion but a divine command. Ephesians 4 says “So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
This passage encourages us as leaders to share the truth of the Bible and the gospel with others, willing to speak out against deceitful teaching, but doing so with love. But this can be challenging.
Here are some tips to lead us in the right direction in having those conversations that require us to speak the truth in love.
Always ask more questions, seek clarification and actually listen. It’s so easy for us to want to just pounce on someone when they say something that is counter to what we believe. But sometimes we must step back, and be willing to accept communication issues, as opposed to theological differences.
Pray before, during, and after you say what must be said. The Bible tells us to ‘pray without ceasing’ (I Thessalonians 5:17) and when one is about to confront another on some sensitive issue, prayer must be the starting point. Prayer should also be going on during and after the discussion. It is always a dangerous endeavour when one sets out on a task without asking for God’s guidance and blessing. When we operate apart from a close connection with Him, we cannot be assured that we will say or do the right thing. Only when we are fully surrendered to the guidance of the Holy Spirit can we know we are doing what He wants us to do.
Make sure God wants you to say anything at all. We need to make sure that it is God who wants us to say something to the other person/people rather than it just being our own idea. Sometimes our pride or our ego is really the motivation for us confronting someone. We must be sure that we are motivated by God’s love and not our selfish motives. As well, we need to realize we’re first called to bring people to Jesus, and then have them change their ways, not the other way around
We should have a relationship with the person with whom we are going to talk. Developing a relationship with the person, or people, with whom you are going to talk creates an openness in which you will more likely be heard. It does not have to be a deep relationship or take long to build, but it must be a relationship that allows you to say what you are going to say. The person to whom you speak should sense that you are speaking out of love for him or her.
We should attempt to conduct the conversation either with the individual alone or with just a few people. People are more likely to have a reasonable conversation when there are no crowds around. Many times, if crowds are present, it becomes more of an opportunity to show off than to have an honest heart-to-heart discussion. As was mentioned before, we are not confronting anyone just to boost our own ego; our desire should be to help the person to whom we feel led to speak.
What we say must be the truth. We must be sure that what we are about to say is what God wants us to say. We should be convinced that it is God approved, as it were. Much prayer should be prayed before any words are uttered. We must not use this as an opportunity to attempt to manipulate anyone (Philippians 2:3). Our goal is to share the truth, and help the other person to understand it.
We must make sure we are speaking from an attitude of love. Too many people say they are speaking out of love when they are merely using that as an excuse to blast someone. The entire encounter must be done out of a motive of love and carried out in the spirit of love. It cannot be a heavy handed, holier-than-thou, confrontation that does more harm than good. We should be seeking to help the one with whom we are speaking. We must seek to build the person up and glorify God at the same time.
We must guide those to whom we speak back to God, and the Bible. Our opinions and feelings must not guide our discussion. Neither do we simply want to make the person we speak to feel better. The reason we are confronting the person in the first place is because God has laid a truth on our hearts concerning another person’s beliefs or actions that need to change. Merely, turning a person’s focus in on himself or herself, instead of toward God, is not helpful. We should not promote a cure that consists of fixing the symptoms to make a person feel better without addressing the real problem. A doctor would not be very effective if he/she merely covered up the symptoms of an illness while never addressing the actual illness itself. This would be deception of a most dangerous kind. Let us apply this to spiritual things: How much more dangerous to convince someone that they are innocent, or good enough, in God’s eyes when in reality they are guilty (Romans 3:10) and deserving of His judgment? When a person believes that ‘all he needs is within him’, he relies on himself and actually cuts himself off from the true source of life…God. The power needed to change the heart is spiritual power that only comes through an intimate relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Apart from God, we can do nothing to rescue ourselves or anyone else (John 15:5).
Whenever we seek to counsel, console, or reprove anyone we need to maintain the balance between truth and love. We must not sacrifice the truth in the name of love, nor should we deliver the truth in a less than loving manner. By “speaking the truth in love”, we are able to encourage people in their relationship with God and not push them away from Him by employing a mean-spirited, judgmental attitude.
We must make sure the person to whom we are speaking knows he or she is not in a hopeless situation. No matter what the issue is that prompted the need for confrontation, God is the cure. He forgives us, gives us understanding, and empowers us to live the way He wants us to live. Anytime we ‘speak the truth in love’, the ‘truth’ must be God’s truth, the ‘love’ must be God’s love, and we must be His faithful servants as we share both with those to whom we speak.
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29 ESV).
