Grumbling and complaining is all around us; at home, at work, in the grocery store, on the news, and all over social media. It can feel good to be grumpy about the things that are not going our way and making ourselves the centre of our cranky universe. Sometimes we just want to embrace the misery and feel righteous in our discontentment, especially when we can give a list of reasons as to why we deserve to feel this way.
Let’s quickly break down grumbling and see if it can be just a moment of complaining and not that big of a deal or if it something more harmful and we need to be actively combating.
Firstly, kids and grownups grumble for the same reasons; we have an unmet expectation or desire and we are not happy about it. These expectations and desires can be; realistic or unrealistic, in or out out of our control, something we were supposed to get or something we think we deserve. We often grumble when we see someone get something we want or think we deserve, also when we have a plan and it gets changed without our permission.
Think about complaints that we hear in public, what are they about and when do they happen? A kid wants candy and a parent says no, someone wants to use an expired coupon and they can’t, the main road is closed and people have to take a detour, someone wanted an ice coffee and they’re out of ice, the library closes in 5 minutes and they aren’t ready to leave.
Cambridge Dictionary defines grumbling as “to complain about someone or something in an annoyed way” Thesaurus.com recommends synonyms or replacement words such as; ‘moan’, ‘wail’, ‘find fault’, and ’gripe’. The word and the action are not passive or in the grey area. To grumble is to take a negative stance in your attitude and in the posture of your heart.
Psalm 106 is a story that illustrates the consequences and road that grumbling leads us down. It looks back to the Israelites in the desert and how they allowed grumbling into their hearts and it created discontentment, distrust, and ultimately destroyed the promises that God was waiting to fulfill for them.
Psalm 106:24-25: “Then they despised the pleasant land; they did not believe his promise. They grumbled in their tents and did not obey the Lord.” God gives them the choice to praise Him, to follow His direction, to choose to see the goodness in their lives and have a posture of thanksgiving. The Israelites didn’t choose God, they chose to grumble and see their lives through the lens of unmet expectations and unfulfilled desires. God gives them over to their choice and the Israelites destroy their relationship with God, they leave Him behind and chase lives where they simply do whatever they want to try to meet those expectations and desires.
Grumbling isn’t simply the words that we use when we are unhappy with the situation, but rather it’s a heart posture which tells God that we are willing to trust in His plan and aren’t content with how He’s doing things. The good thing is that both the Bible and Thesaurus.com have an answer as to what the opposite of grumbling is and what positive actions are required to counter the grumbling; ‘compliment’ and ‘praise’.
Later in Psalm 106, the Israelites turn back to God, they praise Him, they compliment Him, and they give Him thanks for the things that He did for them. These actions of trust and the changing of their hearts’ posture brings healing to their relationship with God and sets them on a path to trusting in God’s plan and reaping the benefits of being aligned with God’s will.
Since we know the story of the Israelites, we know that this did not all happen in a weekend or even within the same year. This story happened over years and generations, there were time periods where grumbling overwhelmed and their relationships with God were fractured and consequences were harsh. There were also time periods where individuals or the entire nation chose praise and thanksgiving, which created strong relationships with God and the benefits of His fulfilled promises.
So grumbling is not simply complaining, it is a slippery slope that harms our relationship with God and leads us into distrust of God’s plan. Here are two practical ways that we can counter grumbling by choosing a positive reaction to unmet expectations or desires.
Default Gratitude
It takes time to make gratitude your default; to make your first reaction to everything thanksgiving. It is possible, but it requires time and help. Work together as a family to come up with phrases or a routine that you can use to reinforce gratitude when grumbling begins. This could be a gratitude jar or journal, thank-you notes on items that cause grumbling (for example on the t.v. as a reminder to be grateful to God for the time that they got to watch their show and not grumbling for more time), a song to sing together when feeling discontent with an outcome, or anything that works for you and your family. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
Practice Praise
A habit of praise takes time to develop and for children they will follow your lead. Praise can be as simple as when you step outside and aloud exclaim “God, look at the leaves, you made today so beautiful!” It can also be more structured where you sit down with your kids and pray with the focus on praising God, or worshiping as a family. The more you praise the Lord in your heart, the more you will praise Him in front our your children, and then the more that they will praise Him. Psalm 9:1: “I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.”
Gratitude and praise do not get rid of disappointment or frustration when things don’t go the way that we wanted, but choosing these positive actions instead of the negative actions will change our hearts and lead us into a deeper relationship with God. They are active choices that will take work in our hearts and habits.
Lastly, as you work on your grumbling, not only will you be reaping these benefits but you will also be more prepared to help your children through their grumbling. You will be able to lead them into a better heart posture and point them in the direction of a deeper relationship with their Lord.
Examples
Sometimes it can feel difficult to know how to start changing our habits and helping our kids, here are a few phrases that can be used and adapted as needed.
I understand that you are feeling disappointed about ______. How can we thank God for all the good things that just happened?
It is okay that we are upset that ____ is over, can we take a minute and tell God all the amazing things we can see around us right now?
God I am amazed at the world around me, I want to praise and thank you for _____.
Thank you God for allowing us to do this fun thing _____, please help us to remember the good parts and not be disappointed that it is over.
Think about all of the great things that God has given you, do you need anything else, or just want it? Can we list 12 things that God has blessed us with and thank Him for His love.
