As youth pastor, I try to consume as much information as I can about teenagers and their culture. Many think that means that I make sure to know all the Tik Tok memes and the slang they use, but it goes beyond that. I try to understand how teenagers develop and think, what bothers them about the world and how that impacts their view of Christ.
As a part of this research, I read a very insightful book called 3 Big Questions that Change Every Teenager by Kara Powell and Brad M. Griffin. Navigating the tumultuous waters of adolescence can be challenging for both teenagers and their parents. It’s a time of rapid change, self-discovery, and a quest for identity and purpose. This book offers invaluable guidance for parents seeking to support their teens through this transformative period. In order to gather their information, the two authors in partnership with the Fuller Youth Institute researched 2,200 teenagers using interviews, surveys and four groups. They found that all teenagers struggle with the same 3 questions in this period of their life. Let’s look at the three profound questions that they outline and explore how you can empower your teenager to navigate them with confidence and clarity.
Who am I?
Adolescence is a time of identity formation, where teenagers grapple with questions about who they are and who they want to become. As a parent, you play a crucial role in helping your teen explore their identity. Most teenagers fit into the following four categories:
-I am what others expect
-I am not ________ enough
-I am my image
-I am more than my label
Encourage them to embrace their interests, passions, and strengths. Provide opportunities for self-reflection and exploration, whether through journaling, hobbies, or volunteering. Remind them that it’s okay to be themselves and that their uniqueness is something to celebrate, not hide. Point them back to Christ – that through Him, they are ENOUGH.
Where do I fit?
Teenagers often wrestle with a sense of belonging and acceptance. They yearn to find their place in the world, whether among peers, family, or society at large. Research finds that the 3 most common answers are:
-I fit where I feel safe to be me
-I fit where we share __________
-I fit where I feel like I am needed
Foster a supportive and inclusive environment at home where your teen feels valued and accepted for who they are. Encourage them to explore different social groups and activities that align with their interests and values. True belonging comes from being a part of God’s people. This goes beyond just church or youth group, but seeing themselves as having belonging that goes beyond a clique.
What difference do I make?
Adolescence is a time of discovering one’s purpose and significance. Your teen may wonder about their impact on the world and how they can make a difference. They will typically answer the above question with one of the following:
-I make a difference when I am helping others
-I make a difference when I follow the script
-I make a difference when I get to make decisions about my life
-I make a difference when I’m headed towards a good future
Encourage them to explore their passions and talents, and to channel them towards meaningful pursuits. Depending on how they would answer the above questions, there will be different ways to support them best. Through it all remember to remind them that they have been invited to be a part of God’s greater story, and that is how they can make a difference.
Navigating the three big questions of adolescence requires patience, empathy, and open communication. By engaging with your teenager in meaningful conversations and providing unconditional love and support, you can empower them to discover their identity, find their place in the world, and make a positive impact. Remember that every teenager’s journey is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Embrace the journey together, and celebrate the growth and discoveries along the way. Your guidance and encouragement can help shape your teenager into a confident, compassionate, and purpose-driven individual ready to embrace the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.
If you are interested in reading the book for yourself, I would definitely recommend it! I do also have a copy that I can lend to you as well!
